Constant companions: joy and sorrow

August and September seem to have vaporized, and in spite of so many of our scheduled events having been suspended, we have had remarkably full days and weeks. Though nothing is “normal,” we’re navigating this time relatively well overall, but we’re also aware that we live with an underlying presence of anxiety. Every slight sore throat, cough, or headache is immediately suspect, allayed so far with a quick temperature check and a deep, unfettered breath. We’re very thankful that though we haven’t “stopped living “ (as you’ll read), we’ve been protected in the midst of taking “calculated risks” while proactively doing all we can do to be wise. We are so very thankful for His grace, protection, and faithfulness. Morning by morning.

Exactly two months ago, we had the privilege of spending an evening with family campers at Berea. Attended by about 125 enthusiastic campers who submitted to the many rules and regulations required for an in-person gathering, it was food for our souls to be part of this event, even if for only a night. We spoke to the whole camp on the beautiful outdoor green space before nightfall on the life of Daniel, focusing on his courage to openly worship his God in the face of recriminations from the government. So many current applications as the culture around us increasingly embraces anti-Biblical, anti-design, anti-Christian beliefs, there is a clarion call for those of us who believe that the truth of the Word of God is still truth to stand on and lovingly proclaim. The times are difficult to navigate, certainly, and it seems that a stand for Biblical, gospel truth is immediately countered with accusations of hate speech and bigotry. As hard as it is to be misunderstood and accused of positions that just aren’t true, it’s helpful to remember that Daniel risked his very life to stand for God. The childhood song “Dare to be a Daniel” comes to mind . . . oh, that we would learn from this bold and humble man of God.

Sunrise over Newfound Lake and the iconic hexagonal meeting place . . . such a sacred place.

Sunrise over Newfound Lake and the iconic hexagonal meeting place . . . such a sacred place.

Worship at family camp, led by Andy Needham and crew. So life-giving after months of isolation from a “body of Christ” activity.

Worship at family camp, led by Andy Needham and crew. So life-giving after months of isolation from a “body of Christ” activity.

One of the highlights of being at Berea: Bill and Ruth Campbell. This “salt of the earth” couple has faithfully served at Berea for decades and their commitment to implanting the Word of God into the hearts of all is legendary. How we love this very…

One of the highlights of being at Berea: Bill and Ruth Campbell. This “salt of the earth” couple has faithfully served at Berea for decades and their commitment to implanting the Word of God into the hearts of all is legendary. How we love this very special couple!

Though brief, our time at Berea was a “shot in the arm.” We had a delightful visit with Nate and Heidi Parks (executive director of Berea and long-time friend/ministry partner), we caught up with several families over meals, we hiked to the lighthouse (a staff tradition), and we delighted in all things family camp. It was a gift to be there. But to be totally honest, it was joy mixed with sorrow, as our love for family camps has not abated but our involvement in them is on hiatus currently. And that is a grief for us.

The gift of Berea was followed by another gift: a week long visit with our daughter Lisa. Taking advantage of the one week she had off between teaching summer school (she is a professor at California Baptist University) and the start of their new semester (CBU opted for a two-week early start so they would finish by Thanksgiving and have two months off before the start of the second semester, with hopes of avoiding the flu season by not being in session during the height of it), she flew in for seven days of “the best of Boston in the summertime.”

And so it was. We walked and swam at Good Harbor Beach, bought lobsters from the boats at Capt. Joe’s in Gloucester and then cooked ‘em at home, and then spent five days in Jamestown/Newport, delighting in pure summer fun. We were generously “loaned” a beach house in Jamestown from dear friends and we made the most of it. Paddle boarding, swimming, hiking the Cliff Walk in Newport, hot tubbing, watching sunrises and sunsets, eating outside, and reading, relaxing, and restoring. It was everything and more than we could’ve hoped for and as we dropped Lisa off at Logan (after stopping at the Farmers Market), our hearts were full of such gratitude and joy. It couldn’t have been improved upon. The joy of being together . . . the sorrow of living 3,000 miles apart.

Capt. Joe’s comes through with fresh-out-of-the-water lobsters for our “welcome home” dinner for Lisa.

Capt. Joe’s comes through with fresh-out-of-the-water lobsters for our “welcome home” dinner for Lisa.

Paddle boarding in Jamestown

Paddle boarding in Jamestown

Visiting old haunts in Newport (I lived at Ft. Adams in 1965–66 when my father attended the Naval War College)

Visiting old haunts in Newport (I lived at Ft. Adams in 1965–66 when my father attended the Naval War College)

Enjoying the inimitable beauty of creation . . . this is an unfiltered sunset in Jamestown.

Enjoying the inimitable beauty of creation . . . this is an unfiltered sunset in Jamestown.

A quick stop at the Farmer’s Market for old time’s sake before we dropped her off at Logan.

A quick stop at the Farmer’s Market for old time’s sake before we dropped her off at Logan.

The next week was spent counseling, meeting up with friends, and catching up on projects. Only one house project: I repainted our front door. But there were many ministry projects, preparing for quite a few speaking engagements in the fall. We also took advantage of the lingering days of summer and escaped several times to walk Good Harbor Beach. Any day at the beach is a good day in the mind of these two California transplants.

Good Harbor Beach never disappoints.

Good Harbor Beach never disappoints.

Another project done. A fresh coat of paint is transforming!

Another project done. A fresh coat of paint is transforming!

We flew to California on August 27 to celebrate two milestone birthdays: ”Papa’s” 70th and Brandon’s 10th. The Garcia children didn’t know we were coming so it was a very fun surprise to ring their doorbell in Oakland and greet them at the door. Lisa made a surprise arrival a couple of hours later and the joy was uncontainable. 

And that was the beginning of a grand celebration.

The girls very thoughtfully put together a plan to honor their “league of his own” dad, who as a result was feted with video birthday greetings and texts throughout the day August 29. They also gave him a basket of his “favorite things” and affirmed him with verbal tributes. He felt the love.

Brandon was also suitably honored, after we all got over the shock that our firstborn grandson is already 10. It was as easy to celebrate him as it was his Papa; both are men of such integrity and character. "A proper fuss” was made through special meals, opening gifts, and celebrating in a variety of ways all day. The best part truly was hearing the words of affirmation directed at both Birthday Boys. We were so very happy to be able to party together.

Surprise!!! Look who rang the doorbell!

Surprise!!! Look who rang the doorbell!

So happy to be together!

So happy to be together!

Kari made sure the room was decorated and found these very cool shirts for the Birthday Boys to wear.

Kari made sure the room was decorated and found these very cool shirts for the Birthday Boys to wear.

The Garcia kids were thrilled with each “favorite thing” Papa unwrapped. Very creatively done.

The Garcia kids were thrilled with each “favorite thing” Papa unwrapped. Very creatively done.

And the grand finale: brownie sundaes for Brandon, and strawberry cream pie for Papa. Yum!

And the grand finale: brownie sundaes for Brandon, and strawberry cream pie for Papa. Yum!

We were so happy that before the birthday weekend ended, we were able to participate with the Garcias in the “Prayer Walk” through the their neighborhood community on behalf of their church planting vision. Twenty-one total came together to support the cause of undergirding their efforts with prayer. It was a strong show of partnership from their sister church in nearby Solano.

The “prayer walking warriors” joined Kari and Gabe by supporting their vision for their future church plant in Oakland.

The “prayer walking warriors” joined Kari and Gabe by supporting their vision for their future church plant in Oakland.

Lisa flew home to Riverside on Sunday, August 30th, and Paul and I drove to Sacramento Monday morning for the week. It was a strange and sobering time to be in California with fires raging everywhere. Smoke-filled air seemed to be our constant companion throughout our days, reminding us that many, many people are suffering great losses in these deadly fires which have scorched millions of acres in not just California, but in several other states as well. My own nephew and his wife and their family of seven children lost their home in Otis, Oregon, in early September. Thankfully they all escaped with their lives, the only irreplaceable “things” in their home, but they lost everything else. Joy of survival, sorrow of loss. 

The ash and smoke that filled the California skies had this eerie effect on the sun.

The ash and smoke that filled the California skies had this eerie effect on the sun.

We settled in for the next five days with our long time, very dear friends, Ray and Carol Johnston. All day Monday and Tuesday were spent doing a premarital intensive with some great kids, who are now engaged. It was so refreshing to hear their hearts for the Lord and the vision they have for having a missional, Christ-centered marriage. A privilege indeed to be with them.

Wednesday we spent at Bayside Church, which was also a great privilege. In the morning, we addressed their first all staff-in-person meeting since March (all 350 of them!). Ray Johnston and Bob Balian did an excellent job “interviewing” us with questions on marriage and ministry and we were very thankful it seemed to be a very high impact session. We always love being with Ray and the Bayside family.

In the afternoon, we did a one-hour podcast with Ray Johnston for Thrive Leadership on marriage and the pandemic, and that went well, too. It was SO good to do some “in person” ministry after being isolated for so long. Zoom just doesn’t cut it.

Brunch around the Johnston table provided a time of such sweet fellowship. How we love this “chosen family.”

Brunch around the Johnston table provided a time of such sweet fellowship. How we love this “chosen family.”

The first gathering of all the Bayside staff happened and we were honored to be part of it.

The first gathering of all the Bayside staff happened and we were honored to be part of it.

Ray and Paul (with Angie trying to get out of the photo) get ready to launch the hour-long Thrive podcast.

Ray and Paul (with Angie trying to get out of the photo) get ready to launch the hour-long Thrive podcast.

Paul’s birthday celebration was postponed Wednesday night due to a far greater celebration: the homecoming of the Johnston’s oldest son and his wife with their new baby boy. We were privileged to be part of the welcoming committee and it was a joy-filled evening as the youngest member of the Johnston clan was initiated. Nothing like new life to renew your hope and joy!

The delayed celebration of Paul’s life continued as Ray and Carol took us out for a lovely dinner Thursday night. Though the food was great, the company was even better. We’re so very thankful that the Lord brought our lives together with the Johnstons back before their first child was born and that we’ve been friends and ministry partners ever since. Almost 4 decades. Blessed.

Dinner with Ray and Carol concluded our time in Sacramento, and a wonderful time it was.

Dinner with Ray and Carol concluded our time in Sacramento, and a wonderful time it was.

On to Gilroy, California, to end our trip with our dear, dear friends Bill and Christi. Though too brief a visit, we were thankful for a lovely evening together, catching up over dinner and conversation which continued late in to the night. These guys have partnered with us in extraordinary ways over the past few years and we’ll always be indebted to them for their incredible service to us and the ministry.

Bill and Christi Bachman have used their extraordinary gifts and talents to serve in so many important ways for the ministries we are invested in. We are so blessed to have them in our lives.

Bill and Christi Bachman have used their extraordinary gifts and talents to serve in so many important ways for the ministries we are invested in. We are so blessed to have them in our lives.

While we were in Sacramento we received word that our long-time, well-loved friend Tommy Devlin had passed away on Thursday, Sept, 3. Tommy succumbed to injuries sustained two years ago when he was hit by a distracted driver as he stood ticketing a driver he had pulled over. Miraculously he survived the accident, though he suffered major injuries. He has spent the past two years recovering from the accident, through multiple surgeries (six), requiring many hospital stays. We all had high hopes that he would recover to the place of functionality in spite of some disabilities.

Very sadly, he began a decline following his May 21 surgery and in the past month, that decline was rapid. His wife Nancy insisted on his release to home care on Monday, August 31, and he passed away early on Sept. 3. 

To say we are heartbroken by his “too soon" death would be an understatement. Tommy was first a man of deep and authentic faith, which informed everything about how he lived his life. He was a faithful and loving husband and father, and he was a “Trooper’s Trooper,” steadfastly doing his job with integrity and passion. He was a man of unwavering convictions, based on the Word of God, and he loved and served well.

Death is hard, any way you slice it, but especially when caused by a senseless accident, it’s a bitter pill to swallow. The devastated Devlin family face the future without the husband and father they loved so deeply. The State Troopers will march on without one of their most noble men, one whose mentoring and modeling for younger LEO’s is irreplaceable. The Body of Christ lost a true man of standing: a faithful warrior for Jesus who was unashamed of his faith as he lived it out daily. 

Knowing Tommy in such a personal way over the past 24 years has truly brought much joy to our life . . . and correspondingly, his death has brought deep sadness and grief.

Paul was privileged to officiate Tommy's funeral on Sept. 11th, an honor he did not take lightly. The hard but beautiful service was very gospel-centric and God-honoring, knowing that Tommy would feel there would be some redemption in his death if even one came in to a saving knowledge of Jesus as a result. That continues to be our prayer.

Beautiful tributes were spoken on behalf of Tommy Devlin at both his wake and funeral.

Beautiful tributes were spoken on behalf of Tommy Devlin at both his wake and funeral.

The Devlin family: Matthew, Paul, Hannah, Nancy, and Rachel, arrive for the funeral.

The Devlin family: Matthew, Paul, Hannah, Nancy, and Rachel, arrive for the funeral.

In the days following the funeral we regrouped, did some counseling, launched the Patriots’ women’s study (via Zoom), and got ready for our next trip to California, which commenced Sept. 17.

Off for two wedding and a birthday—happy events—reminding us that sorrow and joy are constant companions. 

We flew in to Orange County on Thursday night and spent the night with our dear friend Wendy. Our almost 40-year friendship has just grown in preciousness to us through the years and we’re thankful for every moment we get to spend with her. We talked non-stop all Thursday night and Friday morning before meeting up with Lisa to drive to the first wedding. It was such a sweet time.

All the Friesens love Wendy and are so thankful for each of our visits.

All the Friesens love Wendy and are so thankful for each of our visits.

The first wedding was in the Central Valley of California and Lisa, Paul, and I drove up to Exeter to spend the night with our nephew and his family prior to the wedding. We had a great time with Randy and Rachael and their 5 children, and were extra happy that Paul’s sister Sandy and her husband Wayne spent Saturday morning with us. We love being with these guys so it was a bonus of this wedding trip to hang out together.

Paul and Randy love to (playfully) compete with each other as they continue to “discuss” who won the cookie bake-off over 20 years ago. It appears that Paul is confident who won.  :-)

Paul and Randy love to (playfully) compete with each other as they continue to “discuss” who won the cookie bake-off over 20 years ago. It appears that Paul is confident who won. :-)

We also spent a couple of hours in the morning prior to the wedding catching up with our dear friends Kent and Staci Copley and their daughter Britni. Long-time friends and ministry partners, we look for times to connect with the Copleys as they challenge and stimulate our thinking more than most. Kent was the officiant for the Hopper wedding and he did a very meaningful, personal, beautiful job getting these two hitched.



Kent, Staci, and Britni Copley were our table mates at the Hopper wedding, much to our delight.

Kent, Staci, and Britni Copley were our table mates at the Hopper wedding, much to our delight.

The wedding of Kris Hopper and his bride, Rilee, was such a joyful occasion. We’ve known Kris since he was 5 when his parents, Keith and Kristen Hopper, started the tradition of attending family camp annually at CBS. We’ve become fast friends through the years. It has been a joy to watch Kris grow into a man of God and we were delighted to have him serve on program staff the last few years we were at CBS (following in the footsteps of his sister, Kathryn Hopper Alford, who served on our staff several years earlier.) His heart for the Lord was reflected in the wise decisions and choices he made during his college years, especially in the area of relationships. He was committed to honoring the Lord as he navigated that often times challenging arena, and his convictions “delivered” when he met Rilee, a young woman of like heart for Jesus. It didn’t take long for them to believe that God had brought them together and just over a year later, we celebrated their nuptials with them. In a beautiful, Christ-centered ceremony, they vowed to honor the covenant of marriage, to live for Christ fully surrendered, and to love each other well. We were so happy to be with them as they wed, especially because we had missed the opportunity to have them in our home for the Engagement Matters Weekend we had to cancel in early April. And an added bonus was getting to connect with a table full of CBS staff kids, whom we love deeply and miss terribly.

The glowing Mr. and Mrs. Kris Hopper, partying at their reception.

The glowing Mr. and Mrs. Kris Hopper, partying at their reception.

The CBS staff representatives who made it to Kris and Rilee’s wedding. Such a fun reunion!

The CBS staff representatives who made it to Kris and Rilee’s wedding. Such a fun reunion!

We drove back to Lisa’s house in Riverside after the wedding Sat night so we could be ready to go Sunday for the second wedding. (How convenient is that! Two weddings we didn’t want to miss, back to back, and only a six-hour drive apart!)

Sydney Dreves and Joey Leisz tied the knot on Sunday afternoon at the Casino in San Clemente in a beautiful, Christ-centered ceremony. Sydney served on staff at CBS for a couple of summers after spending many summers as a family camper and we’ve loved watching her relationship with Joey grow since meeting him shortly after the 2016 family camp season ended. The wedding was full of joy and celebration and we felt so fortunate to be part of it. Joey and Sydney are also committed to honoring the Lord with their marriage and we have great confidence He will use their marriage for His kingdom purposes. 

So much fun to reconnect with former CBS staff who are still such an important part of our life.

So much fun to reconnect with former CBS staff who are still such an important part of our life.

Sydney’s two sisters, Alex and Shelby, look on with delight as Joey and Sydney “seal it with a kiss.”

Sydney’s two sisters, Alex and Shelby, look on with delight as Joey and Sydney “seal it with a kiss.”

The two weddings were followed by sweet times with two of our long-time friends who have been widowed in the past year. Once again the meeting of joy with sorrow. Dennis White lost his wife Nadia last November to pancreatic cancer, four months after her diagnosis, and Dennis’ grief is raw and real. It was so good to catch up with him and hear how God is meeting him during this period of such great loss. Though his confidence and hope is in the Lord, his grief-filled heart is not easily comforted. The love he shared with Nadia was unusually deep and passionate, which makes the loss even harder. 

We were so thankful to meet up with our friend Dennis White to catch up over coffee.

We were so thankful to meet up with our friend Dennis White to catch up over coffee.

After our time with Dennis, we had lunch with Carol Kraning, whose husband Bob passed away Palm Sunday. Bob and Carol are another couple who have had an immense impact on our lives for over 40 years of ministry and friendship and we were deeply saddened to receive the news of Bob’s passing (just a week and a day prior to my own mom’s passing). It was so good to be with Carol and hear about her journey over these past five months without her beloved Bob. This dynamic duo was used by God to impact countless families and marriages through the over sixty years of their marriage and ministry. They were regular speakers at our family camps and marriage conferences and you could always count on them to be true to scripture, down to earth, and very approachable. Paul and I loved being with them and considered them treasured mentors.

It was very hard to see Carol without Bob. It’s like cookies without milk, or a carriage without horses. Theirs was a marriage that advertised the goodness of God’s design and His unending faithfulness. We were always better people after spending time with them.

Sorrow and joy. Walking together, each giving meaning to the other impossible to understand without the other.

This oldish crew successfully took a selfie, capturing the sweetness of time spent together.

This oldish crew successfully took a selfie, capturing the sweetness of time spent together.

The final event of Monday, Sept 21, was dinner with colleagues of Lisa’s and friends of ours, Jim and Jodi Dickert. Jodi is a professor at CBU, but has been in Lisa’s life since her undergrad days at UOP, and the two forged a friendship back then that grows sweeter with the years. Jim and Jodi were married five years ago and we’ve enjoyed hanging with them when possible. Over a fantastic dinner, we talked about ministry dreams and visions, making for a most enjoyable time.

Meanwhile, Lisa was “on the clock” that Monday from early morning until late afternoon and then went straight into her PhD classes until 9:30 p.m. All of us used the day wisely!

Jim and Jodi Dickert made us a delicious dinner, accompanied by stimulating conversation. A great evening!

Jim and Jodi Dickert made us a delicious dinner, accompanied by stimulating conversation. A great evening!

Before flying out the next afternoon, Paul finished "the Great Fan Job” for Lisa and is now able to add “Hung 7 ceiling fan/light units” to his resume. There is nothing that does this father’s heart more good than doing projects for any of his kids, but especially for his single daughter. He flew home in peace knowing that job was done.

The hanging of the last fan . . . Whew!

The hanging of the last fan . . . Whew!

Lisa and I hung out the next two days in Riverside, though not much “hanging out” was part of our days. She had full days at school and I zoomed in for the Patriots women’s study on Wednesday and did a variety of projects during the rest of the time. We hiked Mt. Rubidoux a couple of times and had a fun evening at "Tio Tacos”- a very cool, one-of-a-kind restaurant/art gallery in Riverside. And then….we were off to Oakland to surprise Ana for her 7th birthday.

Surprised they were when we rang the doorbell on the 24th at dinner time!Talk about a self-esteem boost! Children bouncing off the walls with exclamations of joy does a heart good. We had a happy, unplanned reunion that launched Ana’s birthday weekend.

Happy children, happy Gigi.

Happy children, happy Gigi.

Our days were full. Lots of bike riding, walking in the neighborhood, connecting with neighbors, visiting the “Little Free Library,” going to the beach in Alameda, playing games, and hanging out. We also assembled more hygiene kits, a project the Garcias have been working on the past month and to date have assembled (with the help of many hands) over 2,000 hygiene kits for the homeless in Oakland.

And of course, we celebrated Ana’s 7th birthday. She chose her favorite meals, was free of any chores, and she loved opening each gift, expressing gratitude and joy with her squeals of delight and animated “thank you’s.” What a treat to be part of the festivities!

The hygiene kit assembly goes on as they pass the 2,000 mark.

The hygiene kit assembly goes on as they pass the 2,000 mark.

They know where each "Little Free Library" is in their community and happily check out the selections each time they pass by.

They know where each "Little Free Library" is in their community and happily check out the selections each time they pass by.

We were all thankful to be able to cool off during the very hot weekend at the beach in Alameda.

We were all thankful to be able to cool off during the very hot weekend at the beach in Alameda.

Ana’s final meal of her pre-birthday celebration (her real birthday is Sept 30, three days after we left): homemade burgers on the grill!

Ana’s final meal of her pre-birthday celebration (her real birthday is Sept 30, three days after we left): homemade burgers on the grill!

I flew home Monday afternoon but was able to peek in on the kids doing “distance learning.” They’re all making the best of this temporary situation, but we all agree is far less than optimum. 

Ana “at school” in her bedroom . . .

Ana “at school” in her bedroom . . .

. . and Brandon at his desk in his room.

. . and Brandon at his desk in his room.

And that brings us up to the present.
We’re so thankful for the hope that each of our friends who are experiencing sorrow have. Grief is Real and Hard. There is no easy way through it. But because of Jesus, believers can “count it all joy when you experience trials, for the testing of your faith produces steadfastness, and let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (James 1:2-4). It is so comforting to know that our pain is not wasted, but rather is producing growth in Christlikeness. As we share in the sufferings of Christ, we become more like Him.

And that’s the goal.

May we allow Him to walk with us through our trials and sorrows, with the knowledge that He both understands and is very present. That is how we experience true joy.

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